Why shaming of any kind is wrong

September 15, 2015

shamingYou’ve seen it, I know you have.

Shaming:

Cruel, disrespectful comments on social media (or anywhere) about others.

It might be parent shaming. Or body shaming (too fat, too thin, pick your poison).  Slut shaming is pretty big online these days, too.

I was shocked the other day to see a friend I respect post a crude, disrespectful shaming meme–because my friend believes that in that situation shaming is ok.

It is NEVER called for.

My friend is a good person, I know that. Yet they think that it’s ok to shame someone.

But guess what? Shaming has never made someone liberal, conservative, Christian, thinner, less anorexic or more healthy. Never. Ever.

Shaming of any kind is just flat out cruel.

If we can’t treat one another with respect, despite our differences, despite our flaws, despite anything?  We’ve lost our humanity.

So let me break it down for you:

How some one is–left, right, fat, thin, sex-positive or any other way–is none of your damn business.

You may have a right to comment on it, but when you shame someone, you’re revealing yourself for the boor you are.

boor
noun
 an unrefined, ill-mannered person.
  1. “at last the big obnoxious boor had been dealt a stunning blow for his uncouth and belligerent manner”

 

 

shaming

It’s wrong. So stop it.

 

19 comments on “Why shaming of any kind is wrong
  1. I could not agree more Carol! I have unfollowed several people on fb because I got so tired of their opinions being so “liberally” expressed. Think what you like but don’t put it out there to add to the ugliness of the world please. Live and let live is my mantra now days 🙂

  2. Carla says:

    I was just talking about this sort of thing with my nine-year-old this morning. On an age preference level but I am praying if we start teaching them young perhaps someday some of this will stop.

  3. Thanks for this! I’m surprised (and ashamed) how often a shaming response enters my head. I think our society has written a script for us that makes shaming an easy go-to way of thinking. I’ve been getting more and more careful about what comes out my mouth and fingers because I really want to change hearts and minds, not build barriers. This post is a good reminder of how I want to be!

  4. Laurel Regan says:

    Well said, Carol. Bottom line is that we just don’t know what’s going on in a person’s life/head, or why they are the way they are or have made the choices that they have, and shaming will almost certainly hurt more than it helps. Let’s just all be kind!

  5. Haralee says:

    I agree Carol. I think self deprecating can open the door for some shaming from others while of course it can not. Thanks for bringing back the word “Boor”. I haven’t heard it in a while and I think I have opportunity to use it more than some cruder, boorish expressions.

  6. Ellen Dolgen says:

    It saddens me when I read shaming comments. I feel badly for the person doing it, as clearly they do not love themselves :<( and I feel sad that they are not able to be loving :<(. Great post!

  7. Mary says:

    It just plain mean! Sadly, there a quite a few mean people out there!

  8. donna says:

    I agree 100%…and yet I also know I have been guilty of this as well. There are times I respond only to realize AFTERWARDS that I was responding with shame. I have learned a LOT about shame and its consequences, both personally and globally through reading/listening to Brene’ Brown. She has great resources for not only identifying shame and/or shame based responses, but also how to change ones thinking to be more positive.
    I LOVE how she clearly defines the difference between shame and guilt:
    Guilt: you have done something wrong
    Shame: you ARE wrong
    I wish I had realized this when I was a young/new parent. But…we can always learn from our mistakes AND from awesome posts like this!

  9. Such a relief to see this. Very well said Carol.

  10. I’m glad you brought this up (like always). I just saw a utube video of a woman ‘shaming’ what she perceives as fat people- and she’s gone viral! It was so disturbing and thoughtless and cruel. No one EVER helped anyone by making them feel bad about themselves.

  11. When I first started with Facebook I had no idea how far reaching my comments were. I really didn’t think people read what I posted…then I hurt someones feelings when I thought I was just being funny. I reassessed right away. Now I see how they felt when I read derogatory things about my religion, or my political leanings…they have become the new racism. I am sure they would never believe it was the same, but it is. I am very, very careful about what I say and I am sure I still offend some folks. I hope people listen to you

  12. Sacha says:

    I agree with you! The shaming that I dislike the most is the “discipline” Shaming. Parents, teachers, caregivers etc need to understand this shaming does more harm than good.

  13. I totally agree. I don’t even like the dog shaming photos that are supposed to be funny.

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