“It is nobody’s responsibility to dance around the triggers to your traumas.
It is up to you to deal with past traumas healthily and learn to cope with them
in a way that won’t affect you in later life and you shouldn’t expect everyone
to behave or to speak a certain way around you.”
My friend, Sarah Ruth posted this on her Facebook page to some popular outrage
“That’s ableist!” “Not how trauma works!” “So wrong!”
But I think she’s right.
I just don’t see trauma as a disability. It’s a response to something that happens and it’s up to us to learn to handle it. To do the necessary work.
It is not up to everyone else to tiptoe around all potential trauma triggers. Because it is IMPOSSIBLE to do that and besides, it’s not our job.
Oh, you think I haven’t experienced trauma, right?
I can count at least three big traumas I’ve experienced that have brought others to their knees. And brought me down, too. Until I did the work.
I did YEARS of work around some of them.
“You’re stronger than most women,” a male friend once said of one such trauma.
Umm– no. Men are the ones who usually say this to me. And I hate it. This idea that I am somehow exceptionally different. Oh, maybe I am. But not in THAT way. Women are not fainting flowers. Not usually. Women are strong, powerful and capable. Which leads me to this next point:
If you are still being triggered by things that have happened to you years ago, chances are you haven’t done enough work on the trauma. That’s on you, not me.
I know. You think I’m judgmental about this. I am. (Reference THIS post about judgments.) But I don’t see it as a problem. I see it as realistic.
Life is full of so-called triggers. People go through stuff.
Sure, I wish I didn’t have to see commercials about animal cruelty or read posts about someone losing their beloved pet. Those things “trigger” me. As does child abuse. Domestic violence. Rape. And a few other things.
But I know I can change the channel. Unplug. Move on.
That’s MY responsibility.
People are going to say and do what they will. My response to that is up to me.