It’s all about love

July 7, 2017

widowedWhen I found this incredible piece of writing on grief after losing a spouse or life partner, being widowed, I knew there was no need to add anything to it. It speaks for itself: Here’s the author, Dean Koontz:

“Grief can destroy you –or focus you.

You can decide a relationship was all for nothing if it had to end in death, and you alone. OR you can realize that every moment of it had more meaning than you dared to recognize at the time, so much meaning it scared you, so you just lived, just took for granted the love and laughter of each day, and didn’t allow yourself to consider the sacredness of it.

But when it’s over and you’re alone, you begin to see that it wasn’t just a movie and a dinner together, not just watching sunsets together, not just scrubbing a floor or washing dishes together or worrying over a high electric bill. It was everything, it was the why of life, every event and precious moment of it.

The answer to the mystery of existence is the love you shared sometimes so imperfectly, and when the loss wakes you to the deeper beauty of it, to the sanctity of it, you can’t get off your knees for a long time, you’re driven to your knees not by the weight of the loss but by gratitude for what preceded the loss.

And the ache is always there, but one day not the emptiness, because to nurture the emptiness, to take solace in it, is to disrespect the gift of life.”

A Healing Spirit is all about helping people transform grief. See our guided journals, affirmation cards, hypnotherapy and downloadable audio.






36 comments on “It’s all about love
  1. That is a nice quote–grief takes so many forms. Thanks for this work you’re doing.

    • I thought it was lovely, too. Loss is loss, but one thing the other side has made clear to me repeatedly that it is always about love, all about love and only about love. Oh and learning. But oh, it can be a hard sell.

  2. Diane says:

    Perfectly said, Mr. Koontz.
    I especially loved this: “. . .the ache is always there, but one day not the emptiness, because to nurture the emptiness, to take solace in it, is to disrespect the gift of life . . .”
    Love it!

  3. Wow. Such a beautiful quote. Thanks for sharing.

  4. Ellen Dolgen says:

    It was the 2nd anniversary of my Mom’s passing yesterday. So, this was very timely. It is true the ache is always there, but not the emptiness………… my heart is full of the happy memories and the loss has helped me grow in many ways that have lifted me to greater appreciation and understanding of life.

  5. Pam Wattenbarger says:

    This is a great quote by Dean Koontz. It has been years since I lost my mom and although I will always miss her, now I can cherish the memories.

  6. Sapana V says:

    Yes, it will be disrespect of the life if we just remain in our past. Life is all about moving forward.

  7. Liz Mays says:

    This is a really sweet quote and there’s so much truth to it. I used to read a ton of Dean Koontz novels!

  8. It is human nature to take the presence of your loved one for granted on a day to day basis. This post around that quote really does help to put things back into perspective and help move people forward through a terrible and traumatic time.

  9. What a wonderful quote to share. Perfect for those grieving. Koontz always knows what to say…. perfectly.

  10. Great quote to think about on a Friday. Nicely worded.

  11. What a beautiful quote – and so true. Yes, it is all about love.

  12. Theresa says:

    Beautifully said. There’s nothing more powerful than love. This is a great reminder to treasure each moment spent with your loved ones each and every day.


  14. Carolann says:

    Every word of this quote is truth. It’s all the parts that truly make loving someone the whole experience. Love it!

  15. Ali Rost says:

    Such a wonderful quote. Within a year, we lost both of our pugs and it’s been truly heartbreaking. The hole is still huge and the hurt larger than I ever dreamed, and every time I hold one of their pictures close to my heart, I’m so very thankful for the time we spent together here on earth. x

  16. such a beautiful quote. so true and helpful. thanks for sharing and for elaborating more on it!

  17. Nelu Mbingu says:

    I feel like love is the answer to many things, not just grief. But unfortunately, a lot of people don’t know that so they end up reacting with fear and hate instead.

  18. Brianne says:

    What a beautiful quote! Love is the most powerful thing!

  19. Beautifully said! This is such a great resource for those dealing with grief. I will have to share this with others.

  20. My Teen Guide says:

    I lost my dad to cancer 25 years ago. The pain is still here, but it is no longer emptiness that I feel, but the fond memories of him and his way of spoiling us. I know my dad looks down upon us and as much as I miss him, I know he is in a better place, free from pain and suffering.

  21. Erin F says:

    “Grief can destroy you –or focus you” Oh how true this is! Grief is one of the hardest emotions to deal with but it can also be the one that makes you the strongest!

  22. I lost my mom this year and it has been difficult. I love these quotes, they are inspirational and uplifting in this tough time.

  23. Annemarie LeBlanc says:

    When my father died, I thought it would be the start of our downfall. I thought, the pillar is gone, nothing good will come out of this. But then, we survived. We only had to think that our Dad would not want to see us that way. It was his memory, not his loss that helped us get back on our feet. It is true – grief can destroy you – or focus you.

  24. Jeanine says:

    What a wonderful quote. My mom died years ago and i thought my life was everything was going to end but I’ve done pretty well. I’ve taken the grief and made it into positive, what would my mom be proud of? wold she want me to suffer or sit and stew? nope!

  25. What an amazing writer. Who knew you could cope so well with his help.

  26. I’ve read this through three times, each one responding differently to Dean Koontz’s words. Isn’t that the best thing about good writing – it prompts us to think and feel and respond and delve into the depths of our understanding and experiences…I may have to blog about this when it settles in!

  27. margarette says:

    For me, Uber is safe. Through it we can ask question and get informatotion about the driver. So I think it’s ok.

  28. margarette says:

    Two days ago we lost a very good family friend. It’s very sad, she’s so young. But the love will always be remembered.

  29. EG III says:

    You are correct. This quote stands alone with no addition needed. Loss is always hard but we always have the remembrance of life to allow us to carry-on.

  30. Love is always the most important part of existense. Love transcends everything. Love is the only meaningful thing that we do and that has lasting consequences.

  31. Nazrin says:

    “Grief can destroy you –or focus you” – I felt this one.

    I could not even imagine the pain you have felt losing a parent. I am sure it is like having a part of your soul ripped away from you.

    Loss is horrible but you will always have a bank full of memories in your mind that will help make your mum feel closer.

  32. hal says:

    totally agree with you…. – love is positive !!! all day long

  33. This is a great quote! I was really close to my grandma when she passed away. I cherish the time and memories I had with her.

  34. Louise Smith says:

    This is such a beautiful quote. And one I totally agree with 🙂

    Louise x

  35. Krystle Cook says:

    This was such a sweet posting. So much of life is about love. Lots don’t realize that until it’s too late.

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