Back last week in Charleston, lounging around, I read a book about noted Colorado professor Mary Rippon, one of the first female professors in the U.S.. In the late 1800s. It’s called Separate Lives. It mentions a hotly debated book of 1870s — something called Sex in Education, A Fair Chance for Girls, written by physician Edward Clarke. Quoting from Separate Lives, about Clarke’s book’s premise:
He argued that giving women the same education as men was a “crime before God and humanity.” Further, he thought that if a woman used her brain while menstruating it would destroy her reproductive system. The education of women, he claimed, would lead to “race suicide,” as the childbearers of society would not be able to fulfill their duties.
Clarke was off the mark, but not as far off the mark as we feminists might like him to be.
Of course it’s silly to think that women’s reproduction is destroyed if they actually think during menstruation. But it is true that education has opened the doors of the working world to women and that fulfilling maternal duties is an order of magnitude — or more — harder for women who work.
Some moms absolutely have to work because two incomes are necessary to support the family, and others want careers to satisfy their souls.
But I don’t think anyone would argue today that the upsurge in working moms has changed the family structure in significant ways. I know there’s a lot of controversy embedded in the paragraph above. Especially coming from someone who’s had a career and has not had a child. But just look around.
While you can argue that latchkey kids learn to take on responsibility earlier, you could also argue that they miss out on important nurturing activities.
Now, I know that some moms stay home and don’t nurture. But if they’re out of the home working, they certainly do not have the chance to nurture.
Over the years, I’ve watched and been inspired by a mother I know who has young twin boys and a daughter who’s now almost a teenager. She left her career to stay home with her kids. I’ve seen her commitment to motherhood and to providing quality time, attention and plenty of it to her kids. I think it’s the ideal.
I can’t argue that the ideal is not possible for many families. And that given the choice, most moms would prefer not to work out of the home. But I do think staying home to mother is a better way. And that we can’t ignore the effects of working moms on family structure.
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