Writing your truth without apology

April 18, 2014

Red rocks creek ivy croppedThose of us who write opinion–which is often what blogging is–always run the risk of offending someone.  A social media friend looks at a post, assumes it’s about them and the next thing you know, they’re pissed off about it.

I have strong opinions and I like to voice them, so that’s happened to me more than once.

“You’re so brave,” one commenter said after one recent blog post.

No, I’m not so brave.  I’m just not worried about being “nice” when I write.

Because too much “nice girl” makes for a very bland and boring writer. Trust me on that.

I’m probably one of the most thoughtful and caring people you might ever want to meet. Not any type of “mean girl.” But I’m always going to write what I see. My truth.  And people may or may not like it.  That’s okay.  And your truth may be different than mine. That’s okay, too. As I’ve said many times, including this post about combustible friendships, if we were all alike it would be a pretty dull world.

I read a lot of blogs every day–maybe 30 every single day. Maybe even more.  That’s a lot of blog posts in a year.  Maybe yours is one of them. I have hundreds of social media friends.  Maybe you’re one of those.

And I like to connect dots when I see trends. So when it comes to my blog posts, consider yourself one dot on that trend line.


So listen up, because here’s my disclaimer: More blog posts will come. You may think they are about you.

Chances are they are not about you at all.  They are my observations about this new world of social media and internet and the people who populate it. Commonalities.  In the aggregate. (And they’re usually the posts that get the most engagement, too. Funny, that.)

I can’t think of a time that I’ve written a post based on any particular person or their own writing. More than likely those posts are about trends and commonalities that I either admire, question, observe, make me laugh –or that I think are dumb.

And more than likely, it was written MONTHS AGO. Because I have more than 400 draft posts on my dashboard that go back more than a year. That’s right. And at any time I usually have 30 scheduled. If a blog post comes up right after something related you might have posted yourself? More than likely it’s coincidence. It probably has nothing to do with you. Because more than likely I started writing it months ago and scheduled it weeks ago.

So, don’t take it personally.

But, you know what they say:




44 comments on “Writing your truth without apology
  1. I guess if you speak with truth you have to be ready for what comes from it, but at least you will illicit comment and thought.

    • admin says:

      I love illicit thought! 😉 Yes, you’re right, be ready. Then again, my habit is to love fashion and beauty posts. Like your Easter manicures. No controversy there, just fun. Love your latest.

  2. LOVE THIS!!! As I think you may already know, I had a post up on Blogher a week ago and it was supposed to be a tongue-in-cheek piece, but the internet trolls over there tore me apart! They attacked me personally and I was shocked by the amount of indignation it caused. I wanted to cream, “LIGHTEN UP, PEOPLE! THIS POST ISN’T ABOUT YOU!!!!” I’m actually thinking about doing my own post next week about hateful comments and trolls…..

  3. Lisa Froman says:

    Yes, yes, speak your truth. (I am so impressed you have so much work in the can. Incredible.)

  4. Mary Fletcher says:

    I really enjoyed your post. Didn’t make me feel paranoid at all. Why, should it have? Thanks for making me smile.

  5. Karen @BakingInATornado says:

    I think that all of us who blog have had to develop a tougher skin and make some determinations as to what we feel about what others have to say about our posts. In the end this is your blog and I’m glad you’ve publicly put all on notice that it will remain yours and you will remain true to your voice.

  6. Carol Graham says:

    You did an excellent job of addressing this issue. How diplomatic! I am glad I am following you and if we connect — even better.

    Carol @ Battered Hope

  7. Amen sister! I love your blogs and the way your write! Don’t change a thing. I don’t understand these people that think everything relates to “them”. We as bloggers need to say how and what we feel. If you write trying to please everone…well isn’t that called “advertising” instead of blogging?

  8. Haralee says:

    When I read a blog on the same theme as I wrote I think I am on trend not that the other person’s blog is about me or stolen from my writing. We all have different perspectives and that’s what makes everyone’s blogs so unique. Honesty is everything in blog writing and you do it well along with your pictures, and your travel insights!

  9. It would probably be worth it for those shoes.

    • admin says:

      I know, I love them, too. But I don’t think our Brainy Blonde likes them very much! (see her G+ comment) And she’s a style maven. But I do like them.

  10. Carly Simon is playin’ in the background….!

  11. I’ve only had a few run-ins with “trolls” and thin skinned that I am, of course I took it badly. Didn’t do anything about it, but felt miserable. My kids said “you’re in the wrong business mom if you can’t deal with this stuff…that’s what happens with social media.” Learning my lesson on toughening up!

  12. Someone told me I was courageous to write about DEPEND…I laughed. I never considered it courageous to write about protection when I sneeze! But, it does take courage to express your opinion these days. I confess I do avoid saying what I think at times, because I do not want to build walls between me and some of my readers. I am much deeper than style, beauty, fashion and health…but they are more joyful topics and are important (not shallow). Maybe some day I will have real courage on my blog and venture past shoes. Keep up the good work, Carol. I have really enjoyed getting to know you!

  13. Mary Buchan says:

    Thank you for this post. I am realizing that if we are going to put ourselves out there we are going to get slack. It’s all good. We need to put on our big girl panties and speak our truth or be quiet and disconnect.

  14. Laura says:

    Last summer a friend demanded I take down a post I wrote about my discomfort and distaste for weddings and some of the MOB’s and FOB’s I’ve known. It was published two days after her daughter’s wedding so it was obviously about her over the top MOB behavior. Wrong again, I wrote it about a month before I published. How dare she demand I take it down. How dare she triangulate me from my ex by not bothering to ask me about taking it down but asking the ex. Needless to say, we are no longer friends. It was the straw that broke the back in even salvaging a friendship out of a long term relationship.

    It can be difficult being involved with a lifestyle blogger. Fortunately, the man I’m involved with now doesn’t care what I publish about him as long as it’s something I would want my step mother to know about us. (LOL)

    So if you’re friends/lover/spouse/child/daughter/son/whatever of a writer who appears on social media and in has a well-traveled site. Park your Precious Snowflake status at the door. It’s probably not about you or your life.

  15. You were talking about me all this time, weren’t you.
    Ahaha h ahaa aa a But really?!

  16. RUSS says:

    I so know what you mean and this happens not just in blogs, but even in posts in FB and other social networks. I have a colleague who reprimanded because of a Facebook status. Our boss reported him to the chairman of the company thinking that post was about her – it’s not.

    People should lighten up 🙂

  17. Pratikshya says:

    I understand this connecting of dots… actually, there can be many people like us out there….we just never know… and assuming something is what our mind does..

  18. Did you see my “Anxiety Girl” post yesterday on Facebook? I’m one of those people that leaps to the wrong conclusions all the time. 😉 But never with you, because I haven’t had a chance to yet. haha. xo

  19. Jay Lickus says:

    Yea Right………..Everyone knows that professional bloggers are spiteful, vindictive, hateful, sarcastic, malevolent, blood thirsty and backbiting trouble makers. That’s how we get readers to follow us. Toughen up blog readers there is more to come………..just saying. LOL

  20. D. A. Wolf says:

    One woman’s courage is another woman’s normal mode of communication. That said, I do believe it’s important to be sensitive to those who are close to us in our lives, and not to reveal what doesn’t belong to “us.” It’s a fine line to walk, but one that a mature sensibility can… And yes, we always risk offending when we offer an opinion, but there are ways of doing it to lessen that likelihood.

    By the way, I love the shoes… 😉

  21. One must have a thick skin before going into the business of truth telling. It helps to remember that a person’s reaction to a piece of writing says more about them than it ever says about the writer. But it still hurts when it is you getting the angry darts of hatred thrown your way.

  22. I have experienced the same – when I first started I didn’t get any negative comments- but it seems the more your work is read and the bigger the following the nastier people feel they can be – I have noticed I get the nastiest remarks on the Facebook page that links to my website. I had a stage recently where I had the same couple of people repeatedly posting unpleasant comments. In the end I posted a generic comment asking why some people- no matter what the subject, felt they had to contribute a bitter remark., I blogged for fun , did not charge for them to read the content and that they did not have to read what I wrote. I am all in favour of constructive views and opinions – and often invite people to guest post to present a different point of view, but constant nastiness for the sake of it was starting to become really upsetting. Interestingly I got rambling apologies from two – and it seems to have stopped- for now !

    • admin says:

      Well, I havent faced any trolls yet, perhaps too small yet. But this taking it personally always makes me laugh.

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