It can happen in the subtlest ways.
The invitation that never comes.
The conversation during which your voice is talked over.
The group that forms just outside your reach, laughing, closing ranks as if to make sure you remain on the outside.
Marginalization isn’t always loud. More often, it’s quiet and insidious, whispered between gestures and silences.
It leaves you questioning yourself: Did I imagine that slight? Was that really meant to exclude me? Am I too sensitive?
But here’s the truth: when others treat us as though we’re less-than, it leaves a mark. Even if they don’t recognize it, we feel it deeply. Being dismissed, ignored, or underestimated erodes our sense of belonging.
And belonging—true belonging—is a human need.
When others make us feel marginalized, we can shrink. Or we can stand taller, choosing to affirm our own worth even in the face of their blindness. We can also recognize that their behavior says more about them—their fears, their insecurities—than it does about our value.
It doesn’t erase the sting. But remembering this can keep us from carrying the weight of someone else’s smallness.
Because no one gets to define our place, our value, our worth—except us.
It’s good to remember that.
And it’s also good to be aware of when others might feel marginalized and make a point of including them.
Because that’s what being human (and kind) is all about.
As I aged out of many previous groups I found new groups. I have tried not to put myself in a hole of everyone being my age, opinion and financial background. At first it was jarring, now it’s much better. I find the move from middle age to old age a lot like puberty if you will. Another stage, another part of life to maneuver.
I have found parts of it funny, a lot of it difficult, but I will figure it out.
And I work so hard not to leave anyone out who wants my friendship.
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On Feeling Marginalized
Well said!!! As we age, I am 70,I feel this often. thanks!
Yes, it’s true that we see this a lot as we age.
As I crave solitude in my old age more, this bothers me less. But if good friends did that, I’d feel it. So far, so good.
Such a good point, Laurie.
I love this. I am 64 and still working – I am definitely the oldest in my office and have felt this many times. Glad I’m not the only one.
It’s a particular kind of sting, isn’t it?
Wise, important words, Carol. Thanks for writing.
A perspective we need to consider, and thanks for the comment, Lynn.
As I aged out of many previous groups I found new groups. I have tried not to put myself in a hole of everyone being my age, opinion and financial background. At first it was jarring, now it’s much better. I find the move from middle age to old age a lot like puberty if you will. Another stage, another part of life to maneuver.
I have found parts of it funny, a lot of it difficult, but I will figure it out.
And I work so hard not to leave anyone out who wants my friendship.
It’s good to be adaptable.