Sometimes you wonder what happens to love
Sometimes the touch of a friend is enough
Hold a place for the human race
Keep it open wide
Give it time to fall or climb
But let the time decide
-Jackson Browne/Hold On

The sheer “human-ness” of people, that’s what I’ve been noticing lately.

Those who rise to any occasion, whether it be the illness of their child, the death of a loved one or the loss of a job.  Those so beaten down by life events there’s nothing to lift them past their latest trauma.

Emotionally needy people who crave attention and will go to any lengths to get it. Those who quietly shoulder their burdens without asking anything from anyone.

Individuals exuding the joy of life, despite what’s going on around them.

People struggling to get by. Others giving what they can, no matter how little they have.

It’s all part of the tapestry of our lives and while my knee-jerk response is always to observe and sometimes to judge (yes, I’m that person, and not proud of it), I’m working on it.

The human condition is inescapable these days. And that’s providing an opportunity to not just look at others, but to look at ourselves.

The fact is, we don’t always know what’s led most people to their coping mechanisms in this very strange time we’re living through. And even when we think we do know, and perhaps we do, all we can really do is be there for the other.

Being there. It’s a lot harder than it sounds.

Our normal response is to want to DO SOMETHING. And for us to want others to DO SOMETHING.

But sometimes, for whatever reason, it’s not possible to DO SOMETHING. All we can do is be there for another. To hold space for them. How do we do that?

1. Suspend judgment. For me, it’s helpful to recognize when I’m judging and consider what that’s saying about me. My feelings. And then, to shift the focus to the other.
2. Be empathetic. Try to imagine yourself in the other’s shoes. If you can’t get there, work on being understanding. Even when you don’t understand.
3. Show up. Be there for them. A call. A card. A visit. A pot of soup.
4. Actively listen. Pay attention without judgment. Just listen.
5. Don’t try to fix it. Resist the urge to offer solutions. (This is a really bad habit of mine because by nature I’m a problem solver.)
6. Be there for them consistently. It’s not one and done. Being there is a long haul commitment.

This senior stage of life is full of new lessons, it seems. Or maybe they’re old lessons, presented anew. And my biggest lesson lately is that sometimes, all you can do is sit with another and hold their hand.

And you know what? That’s enough.

Sometimes, that’s enough.

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