This is about keeping secrets: the privilege and the responsibility. Especially in this era of social media.
Some confidences from young people are not stories in progress. They are not drafts. They are not things they are “working toward” sharing more broadly. They are singular disclosures—spoken once, carefully, and with great internal cost.
When a young person entrusts an adult with something that deep, they are not asking for it to be processed, interpreted, or redistributed. They are asking for containment. For the assurance that what they have carried alone will not be complicated by exposure.
It’s a sacred trust.
They do not want to see their stuff on social media.
These are the kinds of truths that may never be spoken again. Not because they are unimportant, but because the act of saying them took guts. To break that confidence is not simply a breach of trust; it is the erasure of the only safe place that truth ever had.
Adults often underestimate this. They imagine disclosures as part of the young person’s development and —that it will resurface later, or be reframed with time. But for many young people, especially those navigating power imbalances, shame, or fear, there is no later. There is only this moment, this listener, this fragile opening.
To keep such a confidence is an ethical act of restraint. It requires resisting the impulse to explain, to seek validation from others, to turn private knowledge into shared understanding. It means accepting the weight of knowing something you cannot offload.
It requires listening.
I’ve been privileged enough to hold the confidences of a few young people. The kinds of confidences they didn’t want to share publicly … or even with their parents.
Yes, of course: it’s different when real harm or imminent danger is present.. But outside those narrow and serious exceptions, confidentiality is not optional—it is the protection itself that is paramount.
Safety matters.
When an adult holds a young person’s deepest confidence and does not pass it on, they are doing something rare. They are allowing a truth to exist without consequence, without spectacle, without being made useful to anyone else.
What a gift that is!
Have you held the confidence of a young person? What did that feel like?
So very well said! As an older cousin and auntie, having the young people in my family trust me feels like such an honour. To listen and to guide them (when needed) is something that should not be taken lightly…nor discredited!
This is such an important reminder. When a young person trusts you with something deeply personal, that trust should be honored and protected. Sometimes the most meaningful thing we can do is simply listen without judgment and provide a safe space where they feel heard and respected.
I love this, as it is something we all forget. From the tower of our adulthood, we might look down on a secret, a shared bit of information, deciding it is NOT IMPORTANT. We are NOT the one to decide. Given the seriousness of the information or the difficulty in sharing it, we have a duty to keep it private. No mater the age of the speaker, if a secret is shared, we must honor its that it is secret.
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So very well said! As an older cousin and auntie, having the young people in my family trust me feels like such an honour. To listen and to guide them (when needed) is something that should not be taken lightly…nor discredited!
I’m an auntie, too, and I hear you!
This is such an important reminder. When a young person trusts you with something deeply personal, that trust should be honored and protected. Sometimes the most meaningful thing we can do is simply listen without judgment and provide a safe space where they feel heard and respected.
Listening without judgment is a huge gift.
I love this, as it is something we all forget. From the tower of our adulthood, we might look down on a secret, a shared bit of information, deciding it is NOT IMPORTANT. We are NOT the one to decide. Given the seriousness of the information or the difficulty in sharing it, we have a duty to keep it private. No mater the age of the speaker, if a secret is shared, we must honor its that it is secret.
You are so right. It’s not ours to decide. Only theirs.
Oh yes, I’ve held many secrets that my daughter told me. I keep it to myself and give her advice.
That is a wise course of action.