I’m never comfortable when someone says they envy another.

Back in the day I had a girlfriend who was significantly well off at the time. Much better off than some of her other friends. Including me. And one of those friends (not me) was constantly saying how much she envied our girlfriend. To her face.

Well, sure, our friend had some privilege. But that comment never sat right with me because it felt so negative. Hostile, even. It made me think less of the person who said it.

What IS envy?

Someone recently said they envied me, so I looked up the definition:

a feeling of discontent or resentful longing aroused by someone else’s possessions, qualities, or luck.

So yes, it’s negative.  Not ok. It says more about the person who feels the envy than the target of the envy.

I’ve found that many of those who express envy have failed to take responsibility for their own lives and achievements. Or lack of. They don’t get that wonderful things often come to those who work at it. That we were not all born into means or even luck. Many of us built those means by hard work. By owning our decisions good and bad.

And have made our own luck.

A comment that someone envies another always rubs me the wrong way, especially when it comes from someone I know.

And it especially rubs me the wrong way when they expect others to provide them with things that they haven’t earned, themselves. I sure do see a lot of this online.

Alternatives to saying you envy someone

So when you see someone who has something you wish you had, here are some alternative comments:

I’m happy for your good fortune.

You’re a lucky girl!

You’ve worked hard for this.

Turn your envy around. Because someone else’s good fortune has nothing to do with you.