Sometimes people don’t come from anger or any other emotion. Even if that’s how it seems. Instead, they come from fear. In fact, I’d lay odds on the fact that most of us come from fear most of the time:
Fear of being rejected. Fear of losing control. Fear of not being enough. Fear that if we soften, someone will take advantage of us.
You’ve seen this in action and so have I. Fear can make people defensive even when no one is attacking them. It’s how they taken in the behavior of others and has nothing at all to do with how the other is acting.
Fear can make them cling to certainty when life is asking them to tolerate the unknown. And life does at times ask us to sit with uncertainty.
It can make them judge others because judgment feels safer than vulnerability.
Yes, fear can be a knee-jerk response to what happens in life.
And sometimes, fear disguises itself so well that even the person carrying it doesn’t recognize it. And THIS is the crux of it, in my opinion. Most people do not recognize that fear is at the root of their behavior.
Do you recognize any of this?
Understanding vs. excusing it
Understanding where someone’s behavior comes from doesn’t mean we excuse it. But it can help us see that what looks like hardness may actually be a frightened heart trying very hard to protect itself.
That kind of understanding can soften our hearts. I know it’s softened mine more than once.
Because we’ve all felt this way at one time or another. We all have places where fear speaks through us. The work is learning to recognize its voice before we let it make our choices.
This was so brilliantly explained! I think that fear is normal and natural, and it’s something that comes up when it decides to come up; however, we can learn to recognize it, name it, and work through it as opposed to using it as an excuse for negative behaviours that it can stir.
Sometimes it’s hard to recognize those who come from fear. But once we understand them, it can truly soften our hearts, I agree on that. And it’s important to communicate with them deeply and find the real cause of their fear.
GREAT post. Fear can affect us in so many ways and take on so many masks. It seeps into everything, especially if that fear was instilled in us in a young age.
Such a meaningful reminder that fear can hold us back in so many ways. Learning to recognize it and not allow it to control our choices can make such a difference in how we live our lives.
Fear arises from so many different places in our past. My father died when I was 3. Thus I was often afraid of men. I knew very few, and never liked it when they wanted to be cozy with me. You can picture it, harmless words and gestures but still I was not open to that. My mother was my world, and if any man flirted with her, I immediately did what I could to get between them. As always thanks for your post.
This is a good point about fear and how it holds us back or pushes us forward. I am often evaluating how I feel and trying to figure out the root of why.
There is a saying “love makes the world go around”. When we look at media these days it seems like Fear has replaced love. Your article does a great job of spotlighting this very powerful emotion
Interesting observation because it is an emotion that we all have, but some make a great show of hiding it. Some fear is important, and some isn’t productive, but a measure of fear keeps us on the straight and narrow path, frankly. Here’s a toast to a healthy dose of well-placed fear!
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This was so brilliantly explained! I think that fear is normal and natural, and it’s something that comes up when it decides to come up; however, we can learn to recognize it, name it, and work through it as opposed to using it as an excuse for negative behaviours that it can stir.
Great perspective and a powerful reminder of the realm of a behavior that is developed through experience.
Sometimes it’s hard to recognize those who come from fear. But once we understand them, it can truly soften our hearts, I agree on that. And it’s important to communicate with them deeply and find the real cause of their fear.
GREAT post. Fear can affect us in so many ways and take on so many masks. It seeps into everything, especially if that fear was instilled in us in a young age.
Fear truly is the heaviest weight. It can slow you down or even stop you from being who you were truly meant to be.
Brilliant insight, my friend!
Such a meaningful reminder that fear can hold us back in so many ways. Learning to recognize it and not allow it to control our choices can make such a difference in how we live our lives.
I have tried to step out of my comfort zone now and again. I find I am generally happy in the end for doing so. I never want to live my life in fear.
Fear arises from so many different places in our past. My father died when I was 3. Thus I was often afraid of men. I knew very few, and never liked it when they wanted to be cozy with me. You can picture it, harmless words and gestures but still I was not open to that. My mother was my world, and if any man flirted with her, I immediately did what I could to get between them. As always thanks for your post.
This is a good point about fear and how it holds us back or pushes us forward. I am often evaluating how I feel and trying to figure out the root of why.
This was a great read. Fear often holds us back, but when we recognize it and don’t let it intercept us, we can make a real difference
There is a saying “love makes the world go around”. When we look at media these days it seems like Fear has replaced love. Your article does a great job of spotlighting this very powerful emotion
Interesting observation because it is an emotion that we all have, but some make a great show of hiding it. Some fear is important, and some isn’t productive, but a measure of fear keeps us on the straight and narrow path, frankly. Here’s a toast to a healthy dose of well-placed fear!