I have a god complex. I admit it.

I think I know what’s best and –if it’s something that really matters— I am not going to be shy about trying to make it happen. And usually I can.

It’s not a matter of manifesting.

It’s a matter of muscle.

There’s a t-shirt I should get that says I’m not bossy. Just aggressively helpful. And that’s me.

Oh, I’m better than I used to be. But if someone’s life is at stake I am absolutely going to intervene.

Sounding the alarm

This actually happened a while back when I sounded the alarm on a health crisis I observed. I may have saved a life by doing so. But another life wasn’t saved. You can argue that it was time and maybe it was. But the death at that time was unnecessary The circumstances were unnecessary. At least by earthly standards.

That intervention took a whole lot of energy because I really didn’t have official status. Oh, other than I was the only person in the mix who had any sense. But it was a season of high anxiety for me and I felt the weight of the world (or a life) on my shoulders and was almost panicked to influence the outcome in a positive way.

Maybe that’s my own grandiosity. Yes, I know I can be that way.

No common sense

Because the fact of the matter is that there are a lot of smart people in the world who have no common sense and make decisions because, well, maybe they think they are gods, too. Invincible.

And then there are their loved ones who are at a distance — either emotionally or physically– and seriously tone deaf about the consequences of decisions made to put vulnerable people in harm’s way.

Deju vu all over again

So that brings me to almost exactly a year later when almost exactly the same thing happened to the survivor. They made a really unwise decision to put themselves in harm’s way, knowing their own vulnerability (but maybe not accepting it). Complicit in this were their loved ones, who were stupid enough to allow this to happen. Maybe they hadn’t even informed the survivor of the risk. If they even knew there was one.

Was it familial stupidity?

Laissez-faire?

Or an attempt at euthanasia?

Oh, I’m not kidding. Because any random person on the street would know better than to let this situation unfold.

Maybe.

And surprise- surprise, crisis. Again. A year later.

I didn’t know the plan or I might have stepped in just before and made a bit of a fuss. I might have.

It might or might not have prevented this. But by the time I did find out, they were pretty sick and alone. Distant family did not appear terribly concerned about how their loved one would access medical care, sick as they were. That was left to the sick person.

Yeah, I’m judge. And jury.

I mean. Seriously? I mean, I’d like to say I’m not judgmental but there is a time and place for judgment and this was one of them.

And so I sat in my house and pondered whether I should step in.

THAT, my friends, was the moment I realized I was not a god.

That I could not run around after people trying to get them to clean up their messes or even trying to do the cleaning myself.

Oh, maybe I could’ve made a difference. But maybe not.

At some point you have to relinquish the need to control and let fate take its course.

This time, I was just out of energy to push.

In the end

The lesson was more for me than anyone else. Despite what I thought.

Don’t you love it when that happens?