Setting boundaries: why you should do as I say and not as I do
June 10, 2025
Sometimes, you’ve just got to do the hard thing in a relationship or friendship, and that hard thing often involves setting boundaries.
I’d love to tell you that I’m good at it, but really, I’ve avoided setting some that clearly needed to be defined to protect my emotional well-being.
Why did I avoid that?
Because setting boundaries can be hard.
Because some people (and especially those you need those boundaries with), simply do not get it. And they’ll easily get their panties in a bunch when you step up and stand up for yourself.
Maybe you’re afraid of upsetting them.
If you’ve let someone constantly exceed your limits, consistently take advantage of you and in fact almost INVITE them to, chances are you’ll finally set those boundaries in an explosion of annoyance.
So naturally, they’ll get their panties in a bunch because, well, maybe you’ve been less than tactful.
Yeah. Avoid that. Learn from my mistakes. This drama can be avoided.
Setting boundaries in a clear and respectful way all along–starting early– is the best way to avoid the upset that comes when you finally set them in an explosive event.
Boundaries don’t just protect our own emotional well-being. They protect the friendship or relationship from misunderstandings. They promote healthy communication and interaction. Yes, consider the needs and perspectives of others, but a boundary primarily protects YOU and don’t forget it. Just try to be respectful when you set it.
So here are questions to ask yourself and issues to consider as you prepare to do as I say and not as I do:
What do you need out of this relationship? Often, people fear that if they set limits, they’ll lose the friendship, when actually, the opposite is true.
What are your limits? What are you comfortable with? And NOT comfortable with? These are defining questions.
Communicate directly and calmly. Ok, that’s not so easy for me. It should be. I have two communication degrees. But it’s not.
Be assertive, not confrontational: I’m feeling guilty already.
Enforce your limits.Stand your ground if someone attempts to cross your boundaries, but keep cool and calm.
Yeah, we Sicilians aren’t so good at these things. Drama is our middle name. But in setting boundaries?
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