Jerash in Jordan

“I write entirely to find out what I’m thinking,
what I’m looking at, what I see and what it means.
What I want and what I fear.”  ~Joan Didion

A while ago, someone asked me why I revisited my past so often in my writing: why I couldn’t let go of those things and live my life. An interesting question and so I gave it quite a bit of thought.

Of course I did! Why? Because….

…by nature I’m a ruminator, reflective and analytical.

I examine the past, wrestle with it, laugh about it, and mourn it.

There is so much to be learned from our personal history, and it can inform the present in such important ways. What makes humans tick is endlessly fascinating to me.

It’s never stopped me from living–and if you’ve followed along here for all these years, you know that!

Looking at the past is a big PART of living, for me.

History can be healing

Examining the past can be healing, for both writer and reader. I’m reminded of my friend, Frank, whose successful off-Broadway show about the traumas of his Sicilian childhood (with the  theme of forgiveness) moved his audiences so deeply that many told him how relatable and healing they found it. Having seen it, myself, I see why.

I, too, find valuable insights and lessons (and healing) when I dig into the past.

And that’s what I write about most often. My past.

All my best work has been looking back.

Joan Didion, my favorite essayist, said it well in her quote. So many of us do write to discover what we think and believe. It doesn’t mean we don’t live in the present.

The photo of Jerash was taken in Jordan. Jerash is steeped in ancient history.. I remember walking through those ruins and that walk inspiring my own personal archeology in the moment.

Memoir requires digging into the past

More Jerash.

Of course, I am a first-person essayist. I write memoir. And good memoir takes what has happened  and turns it into a lesson for our current lives and the lives of our readers.  .

Even my one-woman show revisits four parts of my past in a hilarious way. And it’s funny how much I’ve learned from it.

A couple years ago someone I know invited me to be part of an ongoing video project. I asked why she wanted me involved, and she cited how she appreciated the depth of my blog posts. Not too long after that, a friend (also a writer) brought up my look inward as an example for other women. And wrote me this:

Oh, my darling, self examination is truly an archeological dig isn’t it? Every emotion connects to every emotion? then tack on the soul of a writer and you have infinite possibilities for a sublime rabbit hole!

Of course, I had to ruminate on THOSE comments, too. Because the past IS a rabbit hole!

But what these observations have in common is their acknowledgment of the importance of using the past to inform the future–ours and that of our readers.

I won’t pretend to be some great intellect, because I’m not. But I do like my sort of life of the mind.

Now, I am not always self-aware. Jung’s shadow rears its ugly head for me just like anyone else. Maybe more, even. And boy, does that provide material.

What does that mean?

The shadow knows!

The shadow is the part of the unconscious mind made up of our repressed ideas, our weaknesses, desires, instincts, and of course, our shortcomings. Karl Jung said the shadow originates as we try to adapt to cultural norms and expectations. It’s our inner life. And it can show itself in some of our worst behaviors.

Don’t I know it. The shadow self is NOT our best self.

Our goal is to assimilate the shadow into our lives, but in a healthy way.

I’m not sure I’ve always done such a good job at that, but really, when I write about the past, that’s what I am trying to do. Assimilate it. Because it’s a never-ending process.

It’s all material

As bestie, a playwright, always says, “It’s all material, honey. It’s all material!”

Living is a process, isn’t it? Sometimes, it’s work. Sometimes it IS akin to personal anthropology–looking at why we do the things we do. Maybe even wanting to do it differently the next time. Looking not only at how we fell short ,but also how we did things right.

Socrates said, famously, The unexamined life is not worth living.

So many of us who do this work smile–and ruefully point out that The examined life is hell! Because, yes, sometimes, uncomfortable truths must be faced.

Allow me to share some of my favorite excavators with you:

Writers who excavate the past

As I considered this post I thought about other writers and bloggers I know who mine their pasts in different ways to inspire their writing. Each digs into the past, but in their own ways.I thought I’d share a bit about them and their links for your easy access:

Kathleen Canrinus became a friend after I read and loved her memoir, The Lady with the Crown. It focuses on her mother’s traumatic brain injury and how the author came to terms with her already difficult relationship with her mom. I loved the book and recommend it all the time. And when we sit down to lunch together? It’s meaty, and I don’t mean the food. The book is so good!

Diane Tolley’s blog, On the Border, is chock-full of anecdotes from her ranch childhood, always charming and amusing. Different from my reflection, but still reflection. Her many novels, though, are spiritually based and I know are rooted in some of her deepest reflections on life and spirituality. Both are worth looking at.

Laurie Stone is a favorite blogger who almost always writes about the past—lessons she’s learned, her parents, her pets, her husband and family. Mostly a light look at the past, but not always. Sometimes heartfelt and emotional.Whatever she writes about her past, I want to read.

These are just a few of my writer/blogger friends who dig into the past. Although they each reminisce differently than I do, these writers all know that the past is a great source of ideas that can inspire, amuse or teach their audiences.

I hope you’ll check their work out.