For once, I’m speechless. Because it really IS a tragedy.

Sometimes, a story is so deep, so complicated, so fraught that it’s hard to explain to others.

Or maybe I just don’t want to.

Oh, people would definitely judge her. I judged her, for sure.

And many would judge me, too.

But I understood her in the way that close friends get to know one another’s dark underbellies. Their vulnerabilities.

Then there’s the bigger picture: Sometimes people who leave big legacies sacrifice the smaller, more personal ones.

Sometimes there’s a price to pay for that.

There was and she did pay it.

And yet, there she was back in the day, solid and stalwart, supporting me through what was definitely the hardest time in my life.

So even as I judged, I saw the other side.

People are complex beings and I’ve always been good at seeing that. At recognizing extenuating circumstances that others wouldn’t give grace for.

Maybe I’m wrong to do that.

God knows my culture and my family are known for taking hard stands. Condemnatory stands. They take a position and hold it.

Not me, though. I’ve always seen shades of grey.

Maybe it’s a weakness.

But I don’t think it is.

Someone can be a gift to you and also unintentionally damage others. Two seemingly opposing things can be true at the same time.

I always appreciated the gift and that didn’t change after I learned of the damage.

I’d like to say more and I have, more than a decade ago. It was published, even, although details were changed because of the subject matter. Funny how just the other day I was thinking I hadn’t disguised the story enough. People who were in my life then would get who it was immediately. In the unlikely event they’d run across the piece. Very unlikely.

And now it’s moot.

She was a main character in my life story and now she’s gone.

I loved her.

I love her still.

And that’s the coda to this tragedy.