Oversharing is almost a way of life these days—every thought, every feeling, every chapter of our past is laid bare for public consumption.
I’m not a fan.
Sometimes (ok, most of the time) I’m just not interested in another’s open kimono, especially if I do not really know them. What does it have to do with me?
In a world that rewards oversharing and confessional transparency, choosing restraint can feel almost radical.
So let’s get real. We are not only allowed to keep some things for ourselves….we must.
Not everything within us is meant for public consumption and for different reasons. Some experiences are still tender, still forming, still trying to make sense of themselves. To expose them too soon—or to the wrong audience—is not courage. It’s unnecessarily risky.
I’ve seen people share things online that are so deeply personal that it shocks me. Stuff that I don’t want to see. Or know. Clearly, they. have not read the room. (See my post HERE on that.)
So I look at it differently. Keeping our own secrets is not about deception. It’s about stewardship. Keeping our own counsel is a sign of maturity.
We are the only caretakers of our inner lives. That means recognizing that certain memories, fears, desires, even joys, deserve privacy—not because they are shameful, but because in some ways they are sacred. They are too personal to share.
There is also power in discretion. When we don’t hand over every piece of ourselves, we retain our autonomy. We are not performing our lives for others; we are living them for ourselves. Yes, so much of what goes on line is performative. It’s as if something only exists if we show it to others. But that’s just not true.
And then there’s safety. Not everyone earns access to our deeper truths. Trust is built slowly, over time, or at least it should be. Offering our most vulnerable parts too freely can leave us exposed to misunderstanding, judgment, or even harm.
Boundaries are not barriers to connection—they are the very things that make meaningful connection possible.
Some secrets are not meant to be kept forever. They may eventually find their way into the light, shared with someone who has proven worthy of holding them. But the timing of that is ours to decide.
Until then, we are allowed to hold things close. Because throwing it all out for all to see is never wise. Instead, it’s wise to sit with those things and learn from them. And maybe even protect them.
And especially to see the guardianship of our deepest feelings and most personal events as dignity.
Of which there is too little in our online worlds.
Discretion and boundaries…yes. In our culture we forget that privacy is important. New guardrails have kept us safer online…but it still matters that we hold tight to truths that are only ours, that we not over SHARE our lives. I have had nasty things appear in my life and thus I do all that I can to be safe and not sorry. Thanks, Carol
I’m always shocked at what people will share on social media. Other strange habits are people who will allude to things or problems, but not fully share what they’re talking about. It leaves the rest of us to jump to conclusions, and they’re not always accurate.
The things I see online sometimes blow my mind. Private messages are one thing, but I have seen entire family feuds online, and not the fun kind with Steve Harvey!
A thoughtful reflection on the boundaries between openness and privacy. Your insights encourage readers to share authentically while protecting what makes personal stories meaningful.
You said this so well. There really is a difference between being open and handing over every part of yourself to the internet. I thought your point about privacy having dignity to it was especially strong.
Enjoyed your thoughtful post. As someone who helps people share deep personal stories with an audience, a few of your points stood out to me …
Firstly, some things remain sacred. This is very important. Some stories will never be shared. But it’s up to the individual to decide. Many people do decide to share their sacred stories and feel the benefit of doing so. But it needs to be done when the person is ready and a way they are comfortable with.
This point about not performing our lives for others. So true. This touches on motive. And if the motive is ‘performing’, then the act of sharing becomes exhausting and disappointing instead of uplifting.
And finally the most important. Timing is ours to decide. Share what, and when you want to share. Some people won’t be interested, but there will always be someone who is.
I personally believe we should pick and choose what we share with others especially when it comes to sharing online. It seems like these days many don’t have the boundaries that used to be in place – this can bring with it a multitude of problems.
Well said. I think there’s a big difference between being authentic and sharing every detail of our lives. I can’t believe the stuff I see shared on social media, it blows my mind as well.
I’ve seen a lot of this lately, too. I share some things on my blog, but very little about our personal lives since it’s mostly about food and recipes. I have taken a massive step back from social media for that reason.
I agree with you. So much personal stuff is been shared on social media these days. There has to be a balance even when it comes to influencers I think. Privacy is a kind of great privilege we all own. Why let it go!
Agree with your point about setting healthy boundaries when sharing personal stories. It is a good reminder that not everything needs to be shared with everyone.
Unfortunately, only a few are taking this advise these days. Yes, the internet, especially social media, has encouraged performative behavior so that daily, we are bombarded by an array of tales and personal pronouncements about someone’s interior life. It used to bother me back in the day, but I no longer give it much energy. To each his own.
This couldn’t have been said any better! I completely agree with you. Not everything in our lives is meant for public consumption. I hope more people realize that it’s okay to keep some things private. Setting boundaries doesn’t make us secretive. It simply protects our peace and keeps us from becoming too vulnerable by sharing everything online.
I think much of the online space has become the new “Jerry Springer” shows. . . except produced by the individuals themselves. This kind of confessional sharing has existed forever (I’m reminded of Sylvia Plath), but sharing while live on video. . . preserved forever, for everyone to see. . .well, that’s a whole new level!
Well said. Although I will say this: sometimes sharing is a way of connecting. Often when we read about another person’s struggles, it’s the reminder that we ourselves need that we’re not alone. But I do have to agree with you that some people on social do not know how to set boundaries. Thanks for sharing your insights!
Here you’ll find my blog, some of my essays, published writing, and my solo performances. There’s also a link to my Etsy shop for healing and grief tools offered through A Healing Spirit.
I love comments, so if something resonates with you in any way, don’t hesitate to leave a comment on my blog. Thank you for stopping by–oh, and why not subscribe so you don’t miss a single post?
Discretion and boundaries…yes. In our culture we forget that privacy is important. New guardrails have kept us safer online…but it still matters that we hold tight to truths that are only ours, that we not over SHARE our lives. I have had nasty things appear in my life and thus I do all that I can to be safe and not sorry. Thanks, Carol
I’m always shocked at what people will share on social media. Other strange habits are people who will allude to things or problems, but not fully share what they’re talking about. It leaves the rest of us to jump to conclusions, and they’re not always accurate.
Yes, I do try and watch what I share. You never know who is watching.
But I do like when people are honest about feelings online. It shows others they are not alone.
The things I see online sometimes blow my mind. Private messages are one thing, but I have seen entire family feuds online, and not the fun kind with Steve Harvey!
Brilliant, Carol. A sad version of oversharing involves exposing our secrets to buy acceptance, admiration, or simply notice.
A thoughtful reflection on the boundaries between openness and privacy. Your insights encourage readers to share authentically while protecting what makes personal stories meaningful.
You said this so well. There really is a difference between being open and handing over every part of yourself to the internet. I thought your point about privacy having dignity to it was especially strong.
Excellent piece. This resonated on so many levels and highlights why mindfulness and self awareness are key!!
Enjoyed your thoughtful post. As someone who helps people share deep personal stories with an audience, a few of your points stood out to me …
Firstly, some things remain sacred. This is very important. Some stories will never be shared. But it’s up to the individual to decide. Many people do decide to share their sacred stories and feel the benefit of doing so. But it needs to be done when the person is ready and a way they are comfortable with.
This point about not performing our lives for others. So true. This touches on motive. And if the motive is ‘performing’, then the act of sharing becomes exhausting and disappointing instead of uplifting.
And finally the most important. Timing is ours to decide. Share what, and when you want to share. Some people won’t be interested, but there will always be someone who is.
Thanks for your insightful analysis. I agree.
I personally believe we should pick and choose what we share with others especially when it comes to sharing online. It seems like these days many don’t have the boundaries that used to be in place – this can bring with it a multitude of problems.
You’re right. It’s all about boundaries.
Well said. I think there’s a big difference between being authentic and sharing every detail of our lives. I can’t believe the stuff I see shared on social media, it blows my mind as well.
Oh I agree. They are two different things.
I’ve seen a lot of this lately, too. I share some things on my blog, but very little about our personal lives since it’s mostly about food and recipes. I have taken a massive step back from social media for that reason.
I think more and more of us are stepping back.
I agree with you. So much personal stuff is been shared on social media these days. There has to be a balance even when it comes to influencers I think. Privacy is a kind of great privilege we all own. Why let it go!
Agree with your point about setting healthy boundaries when sharing personal stories. It is a good reminder that not everything needs to be shared with everyone.
Unfortunately, only a few are taking this advise these days. Yes, the internet, especially social media, has encouraged performative behavior so that daily, we are bombarded by an array of tales and personal pronouncements about someone’s interior life. It used to bother me back in the day, but I no longer give it much energy. To each his own.
This couldn’t have been said any better! I completely agree with you. Not everything in our lives is meant for public consumption. I hope more people realize that it’s okay to keep some things private. Setting boundaries doesn’t make us secretive. It simply protects our peace and keeps us from becoming too vulnerable by sharing everything online.
I think much of the online space has become the new “Jerry Springer” shows. . . except produced by the individuals themselves. This kind of confessional sharing has existed forever (I’m reminded of Sylvia Plath), but sharing while live on video. . . preserved forever, for everyone to see. . .well, that’s a whole new level!
Oh do I agree!! So much. Plath is an interesting comparison…at least it was art LOL
Well said. Although I will say this: sometimes sharing is a way of connecting. Often when we read about another person’s struggles, it’s the reminder that we ourselves need that we’re not alone. But I do have to agree with you that some people on social do not know how to set boundaries. Thanks for sharing your insights!
Sharing is one thing. Oversharing is completely different. some things should remain private and not open to everyone’s eyes.